being public again

it's been a long time since my last post. Few months ago, decided to change the settings of my blog so that nobody can read it. maybe people were wondering what happened to me.

Right now, I am surviving the challenge called life. Many things happened to me and for some reasons i decided to quit blogging. it's not that I'm not interested to share my thoughts, ideas and experiences.I just felt that everything about me was so public.Everyone who knows me read it.

But, as time goes by, I realized that blogging is being public. Publishing your emotions in the net. Telling everyone what you feel.It is being real. It is teeling everyone that you have struggles that you need face everyday. Informing everyone that you feel so much happiness at one point.
I need to embrace that fact and be public again and let other people know how I feel. to celebrate with me when I experience joy.

So now, I'm informing you guys that I'm back to blogsphere to stay for good. But, for the meantime I need to go. I feel tired and I need to rest for my work tomorrow.

confusion

this is the right place to share my emotion for the past few days. I can't understand myself. I can't tell anybody about it. The truth is I am confuse right now. I am confuse on what career path should I pursue. I am a nurse by heart but for some reasons I am working as a call center in one of the biggest BPO company in the country. I love being a nurse and taking care of the patients but I have to stay in the call center industry.



I am in this field for financial reasons. I can buy what i want, i can even have my share to pay our bills and I can save money for my future at the same time. My working environment is not a problem. I enjoy the company of my team mates and my co-trainees. I can say that I am satisfied with my job right now. I am now adjusted to the stressful life and shifting schedules that a call center agent has. I even think of being promoted and earn higher than what I am earning right now. I know I can do it if I exert extra effort but I choose not to to do it because I know I will learn to love this industry and totally forgot that I worked hard to be a license nurse.



last week, I talked to my nursing friends. We talked about the experiences and happenings in their lives as a nurse in the hospital. Working in the hospital is one of my plans back in college. I also planned to become a reviewer for nursing students. I already worked for a hospital. I loved what I did even the salary is not enough for my needs. I miss giving medications. I miss being the Ma'am of the nursing students in the our station.



"It is hard to decide and leave the place where I am right now but I know I need to make a step sooner. I need to move and go back to my first love which is the medical field"

kolgirl

a colleague send me an email containing this article. I found it interesting and informative so I decided to post it here in my blog.


‘Kolgirl’
By Pamela
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 01:13:00 01/08/2009

If you are familiar with the terms “QA,” “Queuing,” “EOP,” “ACW,” “AHT,” “avail,” then you are one of us, the thousands of “kolboys” and “kolgirls” in the Philippines .
We belong to the sleep-deprived, nicotine-inhaling, cab-riding new breed of Filipino youth. We infuse our anemic, caffeinated veins with ferrous sulfate every day so that we won’t be “NCNS” (no call, no show) for our next shift. “Ginagawa naming araw ang gabi.” [We make the night our day.]
Glamorous? Well, if your idea of glamour is staggering down Ortigas Avenue wearing Paris Hilton shades at 8 in the morning, looking dog-tired while everybody else looks fresh and new, then we are the kings and queens of glamour.
Bohemian? Ha ha! We follow a very rigid schedule. We cannot go on extended breaks. We cannot hang up on cursing customers. We cannot refuse to take calls. And we have to ask for permission to answer nature’s call. We are like prisoners in our stations for eight whole hours. Ours is a Spartan life.
I cannot help but be catty and melodramatic about it. We say, “Good morning” when we all know that everybody but us (at least in this part of the Pacific) is in his deepest sleep. We say (with an audible smile), “I’d be glad to assist you,” never mind if we had to leave a feverish son under the care of his “yaya” [nanny].
We can afford to miss family occasions and national holidays because we know we will be well compensated. Every birthday of a family member that we miss means we have P700 more to pay the bills, rent and tuition. The added pay for every national holiday that we worked helps pay our taxes. Yes, my friends, we are paying for the street lights along the avenues and highways that we must brave every night.
Contented cats we are not. “Laway lang ang puhunan” [Saliva is our only capital], we some people say, but we are in one of the most stressful and draining jobs you can find. And like the rest of the working class, we are overworked and underpaid.
We are forced to defend big banks, superstores, telecoms or any account we are handling. Just like any member of the proletariat, we are alienated from the giants that we work for. We apologize for things that we do not have anything to do with. We fix problems we did not create. We are the cheap, apologetic and docile answering machines at the other end of the line, the receiving end of the frustrations and ire of customers who feel shortchanged.
Apolitical? I have to disagree. We are tax-paying citizens like most working Filipinos. Yes, most of us get the latest news from Inquirer Libre (while riding the Metro Rail Transit on our way to work), but we are also appalled by the P500,000 “cash gift” congressmen got to kill the Arroyo impeachment complaint last year. We are also furious with this government for spending half of the national budget on debt servicing so that it can borrow some more. And we are enraged that some people cheated their way to high offices.
We may speak in English for more than half of our waking hours, but it doesn’t make us less Filipinos. We share the sentiments and burdens of every landless farmer, every laid-off factory worker, every out-of-school youth, every hungry Filipino mouth. We find time to mourn slain activists, priests, journalists and innocent civilians. Most importantly, we share the aspirations of the Filipino people to build a just society where we can say, “I’d be glad to assist you,” and actually mean it.

Pamela, 28, is a single mother who works as a call center agent, a job that pays her enough to splurge on mango shakes, banana cues, rambutan fruits and Marlboro reds. She has a generous health card that takes care of her brain scans, EEG and MRI, paid for by her call center company, which she thinks is the source of her migraine and headaches.

shangri-la

shangrila crossing is just a few meters away from office. walking outside this mall always gives me some time to reminisce the past. I don't know if I will smile because i had sweet memories there or I have to cry because those memories will not happen again. i remember it was night when the two of us part ways outside that fancy mall. He was holding me inside his arms and we were planning many things for the future. That was so sweet. Me inside him, he is talking about future, giving me kisses at my forehead and smelling my hair. An experience that is pricless.Something that you can't buy from a glamorous store. I'm in my drama mode again. That is why Im writing every thing here in my sanctuary. I can't help myself to think of this scenario. His smell still lingers. His smile was sweet. But for some reasons and complications in our lives our memories will not happen again. Honestly, I don't want to think of the way we parted ways that night. I have to walk fast and help myself not to look back after i utter the words "Ingat ka". He's not aware that when I said those words I also mean "goodbye" Few months that we had. Few months of care and love. It may look weird but I am always like this. A crazy coward girl whose afraid of commiment. Scared of risking the 'us'. Afraid to jumped in and face the complications that this relationship will bring. Stupid me.. I am not ready to give in. I don't use my heart when I decide, I use my brain. I don't know why Im like that. It is hard to explain. Maybe it is just not the right time.

Tagged from Roge and Jham

dahil nasa blogger/emotera mode ako today... sasagutan ko ang tagged nila Jham at Roge....hehehe


Here are the rules:
1. Each blogger must post these rules.
2. Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.
3. Bloggers that are tagged, need to write ten facts about themselves. You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and also to read your blog.


10 random facts about shamy/emotera..
1. Tahimik sa una pero pag medyo na kapag observe na ayun daldal ever...hahaha

2. I like people who are fun to be with at may sense of humor

3. I like to travel kaso Baguio lagi ang destinasyon ko sa pagbabakasyon....

4. Emotera ako kaya yan ang pen name ko dito sa aking blogspot account...

5. Takot ako sa mga rides kaya hindi ako enjoy pag pumupunta ng EK or star city...

6. I love to learn new things...

7. Pag mamimili gusto ko mag isa lang ako...

9. Kahit na hindi halata sa akin... I have a big faith in God...

10. Mahal ko ang pamilya ko... Handa akong gawin lahat para masapasaya sila...


NOW..
Hindi ko ito ipapasa... basta kung sino magvisit ng blog ko at basahin ko... automatically kasama na kayo sa tagged na ito... okeis???

disappointments

first day of 2009. We see each other, it is always our plan to meet up every time he stays in manila . I am glad that we meet after few months of not seeing each other. He is my crush, I admit. We spend time together. we checked the latest books in the bookstore. We looked for new artworks at the art work display. We talked about things in our lives. But disappontment comes in.

I got disappointed because some of the things that I love to do is not his thing. I mean he doesn't want to do the things I always do. He is not the person I am looking for. We agree on some things but not always. Maybe I expected him to be as open as I am.

He is disappointed. I can see it in his actions and reactions that he got disappointed. I told him that I need to meet my colleagues. He did not have the chance to go with me because it is not his thing. Goody goody side of him,I guess.

My mom got disappointed. I did not go home at that night and my mom did not get any text message from because I'm having fun with my friends from work. When I got home, sermon galore si mudrabells.

Disappointment is part of life. You might me the cause of other's disappointment or others disappoint you. I don't want to elaborate the things that happened. I just wanted to burst out the feelings the I have right now. I am in my emotera mode right now.

Anyway, I would like to thank Roge sa pag ampon mo sa min nila Gail at Lian. Sa uulitin. Hehehe.

what's the letter L?

Life if a continous journey. You meet new people from different places. They will have the chance to get to know you. They will care for you. But sometimes,it is hard to trust them. it is hard to know if they are saying the truth or they are lying just to flatter you. This is exactly what I feel right now. I had the chance to meet this guy. I admit he is good looking. The first time I saw his pictures I easily got attracted to him. I know his a somebody from the world where he belongs. He is someone that girls would chase. By chance, I had his number. I had the chance to get to know him. I'm so happy that his friend gave me his number. He usually tect and call me. I thought we are heading to another level of relationship. As time goes by, the L word that he felt towards me is not what i expected. It is the other way around. he just spent time with me because of he wanted me to share a bed with him. I feel so sad to hear it from him. I did not expect that it is his real intention from me. I thought he wanted friendship that is why he continously communicate with me. I felt disappointed about it. It's not that I;m expecting that he will learn to love me. He should tell me his intention in the beginning of our friendship. Right now, i care for him. I am controlling myself not to fall for him. If I will love him it will bring complications to our lives. I'm sure it will make heart torn into pieces. This is life. I have to admit. I like him but i have to let go of him to save myself.

back for a holiday post

it's been a while since I posted my last entry. I felt sad because i wasn't able to post the things that i experienced for the few weeks that past. I'm still working in a call center. i was able to adopt a little in my environment. i have to admit, I'm still struggling to meet the metrics in my scorecard. Everyday, before taking calls I always feel nervous. Wierd calls give stress to my work. I have my tools to resolve the issue of the customer but sometimes the tools are not enough. This work is not an easy job. Another thing, I wasn't able to have my social life same as before. I have to meet my friends in a limited time. Sometimes, I missed the gimiks ang get togethers because of my schedule.

anyway, I'm so happy because my family is complete this holiday. My brother had his christmas break. He spend the holidays with us. Im so thankful to spend time with my brother again.

after my hiatus

I visited this blog few days ago. I noticed that my last post was more than a month ago. I realized that I should update my blog. I felt sad to see my blog without updates. Before, I almost update it everyday but now, my work restricts me to post updates. Maybe, my readers are asking what happened to me from the past few weeks that I have no posts.

• I am busy at work- I said from my past post that Im still adjusting with my new job. My job is something that I'm not used to. I don't deal with patients now. I deal with irate american customers. I solved other's problems. I need to feed them with the right information. I think this job is stressful that i rather chose to sleep at home than to go out with my friends.


• Fun to be with co-workers- I have a stressful job, but one blessing that I have is having co-workers that are fun to with. People that I can go out with after work. Chill with them and forget that I argued with a customer a while ago.

im wearin purple shirt besides rhyan(wearin yellow shirt) and pao(holding the mic)

• I turned 22, last october 29. It is an ordinary day for me. I take calls. I sleep and eat an ordinary meal. What makes my birthday special? Friends who send me greetings thru friendster, thru text message, and thru multiply. Also, my co- workers who personally say "happy birthday" to me. There was a celebration for me and my friend's birthday at the night of my birthday but I wasn't able to go there. I went to our office that night because I had to work.
• Nov1- a holiday. A day to chill with friends. Visit the cemetery and spend time with my family. I wish i had the chance to do those things but my work, again restricts me to do it.

This work brought so much changes in my life. It makes my world abnormal. Yeah, even my sleeping routine is not normal. If someone asked me questions thru text it takes hours before I reply to their message. Im not like this before. I reply fast to other's text message. Being online on the net, one of my daily routine became a weekly routine. I just check my mail every day off from work.

Well., this is my new life. I need to accept and deal with it. I just hope things will be better after this adjustment stage.

night shift

it's 6am now here in the office. I wanna go home but I can't. I need to wait for the office hours so I can get my ITR which is a requirement for my new job. Rizal capitol is near our office so I decided to wait for 8am. I think it is okay than to sleep few hours and go back here at the office.

Right now, I'm adjusting with my new environment. I usually open my yahoo mail, friendster account and my blogs but for a few minutes only. I can't visit my favourite blogs anymore. Being employed is far different from being a bum. Before, I surf the net all I want. I don't care about the time but now, I need to hurry up because I need to go to work. My short breaks are for 15 minutes only.

I need to adjust to night shift. What I love about it is I will have night differential. Hahahahaha

career change

After few months of staying at home without income, I found a job. My job is different from my profession. I join the BPO industry which is not related to medical field. I need to accept the job offer because Im less productive when im unepmolyed. And, I need to earn my own money so that i don't have to ask for it from my parents. It is my first week working with my new company. I am now in my adjusting period. Difficulties are coming my way one by one but I need to deal with it. It is not easy to adopt with my new environment because of my schedules. Last week, I had the 10am-7pm shift, last monday was 3pm- 12mn and now, i have 7pm-4am sched. I know that in this industry, changes in schedule is a common thing but I'm having a hard time adjusting to it. Also, I need to make new relationship with my new co- workers. I know I can get along with them well in the next few days because we will be together for more than 5 months or more. I just hope things will run smoothly for the coming days.

shoe tag

thanks Berna for this tag.

What’s your shoe size? Are your feet the same size as your mom’s feet? How about your sister’s feet? Can you borrow shoes from each other?Post a picture of your latest shoe buy. Tag the number of women of your shoe size, i.e. size 5 = tag 5 friends.

My shoe size is 6. Yup, my mom and I have the same shoe size that's why I wear her shoes sometines. Hehe. My sister's is smaller than us but she usually borrow my shoes. Here is a picture of the latest shoes I bought. I already made a post about it last April.

the sermon about OFW

I attended the mass yesterday. The priest was telling us that it is OFW's generation. People wants to go abroad to work. They want to earn there because they want to give thier families better life. The priest said that the governent is proud that we have many OFW but he said that we should not be proud of it. Why? The reason is if we have many opportunity here in our country, the citizens would not think of leaving the country. I realized that the priest was right. People would choose to stay with their families if their income was enough for them. Its not easy to work abroad and stay away from you family. I think the governement should realize that they should generate work for Filipinos. They should not be proud that people were leaving the country and looked for greener pastures. What can you say about this??

techpet

im attending a techinical training right now. It was not as fun as LPET. I was late during my break because I was checking my friendster profile in the pantry. At the pantry, I had the chance to talked to my one of my co-trainees. I felt good talking to him because he is my colleague and we went to the same school in college. At our last break for the day, we talked for 30 minutes reminiscing our college days. Hahaha. The conversation was very entertaining and very interesting. I think the techpet would turn out well becuase I'm learning new things and meeting new people. Having conversation with them. Now, I gotta go. I'll update you about the things that will happen to me in the coming days.

RIP Nepho Quiambao

I met Nepomuceno Quiambao Jr. two weeks ago. We usually call him Nepho. We attended the training for two weeks. He passed the evaluation. When he was signing the contract. He felt bad and complained about his headache. He went to the clinic. After thirty minutes he was rushed to the hospital. He was coma for two days. He joined our Creator last August 31, 2008.

Nepho was a great person. He exerted so much effort to travel from Pampanga to Manila just to attend our training.

May he rest and peace.